I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
