so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
