Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
