Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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