she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
