You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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