Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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