It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
