well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
