Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
