So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
