Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
