Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
