u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Welp...herpes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
