He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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