i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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