so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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