So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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