The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
