would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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