I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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