i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
