Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
