just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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