she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
