Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
