he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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