I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
