I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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