I wanna bring you to show and tell
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
