I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
