and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
