you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
