How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
