hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
