I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
