we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
