Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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