I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
