sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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