It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
