Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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