benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
