I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
