The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
