Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well you can't waste a boner
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
