Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
