Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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