So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
