I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
