He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
