don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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